今节我挑了一篇典型的中式英文。所谓的中式英语,是大家花了无数光音硬背的英语单词,从小被老师挑剔出来的语法,以及考试前夜各种笔记中的回忆,统统总合起来的一种体现。用着中文的思维,去写英文的邮件,才是真真正正的硬伤。一一,The good news is, 我们要学的不是英国文学,不是莎士比亚。我们学英文是用来「用」,不是用来「现」,你要懂的不是英式红茶的种类,不是美国共和民主两党的差别(当然,你能懂更好。。)。要写好的BE,你要懂的,只是西方的商业习惯。一下子范围就小,是不是对学好BE的信心大了很多?
以下原文:
您好,看到您可以帮忙优化案例,请赐教!
如下是一个英国的客户,购买意向很高;当时他有25000GBP预算,但是那时我们的报价需要用得用好的材料,降价后也还差USD3500多,所以僵持了,后来英镑贬值,差得就更多了,后来我们想出另一个方案,报价给他;按当时的汇率离他们的预算还有差了USD2000多;后来客户一直没有反映;追踪后,客户就是如下的回复,表示很会很下单,但是仍然希望我们降价; 后来我跟老板沟通,决定去MEET他们的预算(就是按汇率换过来的USD价),如下邮件不知道说理由是否合理,但是客户到目前是没有回复,虽然有互动,但是没有谈及引事...
看到您的贴,所以想问问大叔的意见....感谢了!
(大家习惯一下,邮件的时间顺序都是反转的。最项一篇的时间是最新的,越低越先前。)
Dear
I know you were
busy these days.
Are you watching
Olimpics games? (做个spell check不难的,你只需right click 红字。。)
With one of very
popular internet slang, " I have used my core power to obtain the new
discount”.
(EXCUSE ME??!!!洪荒之力都出来了!!讲真,你觉得老外真的知道你在说什么吗。。。?有些joke,只是我们中国人能明白的。。。就算了吧。。)
So I hope it could
give you some help.
Thanks a lot! May
I ask what's your opinion with the new prices?
(看得出你是花了洪荒之力才想出怎样才好像是不经意地问老外您看价格可以不?怎么说呢。。我不是你所有我可能不懂,但既然老外你问价时那么认真了,我又花了那么多时间去给你报价了,老外您其实回一回我邮件绝对是应!份!的!一句 How is the quotation?直接提醒一下就是一份礼貌的距离了。)
Best regards,
Dear XXXX(3个客户人员),
Hope you all had a
good weekend!
My Boss and sales
manager had a meeting regarding the YYY cases, and also we talked about the
aluminum material supplier to cost down the cost. (文法错了,不注解)
They agreed to
give us 5% off on mateiral within the next 10 days! it will be 3%
off in total price. (此处注意。这样你的material成本比例就暴露了。这不一定有所谓,但你open book给客户看的那个比例要对得上,不然就会被challenge。。) So we would like to give you this offer;
In order to
establish long business relationship with you, my boss would like to show his
greatest sincerity, he is willing to give up the only 5% profit.
(来了来了。。我指的中式思维来了。。。你这真的是在挑战国际惯例!!我很理解你在国内跟客户称兄道弟喝酒时说:我那5个点不赚了都你的好了,谁让咱是好哥们?然而你信我吧,文化不同啊。。老外第一反应必须是:你骗谁呀?没利润谁做呀?另外,”long business relationship, greatest sincerely…….必须加上as your best friend in china, 才能组成让老外调笑的三合一chinglish大招啊!!)
So there is new
next 8 % off for you totally.( this must be the lowest price this year we would
offer).
(8% cost down 是太高/太低我不知道,行业各异,但有一点肯定的,此文没针对客户是因为exchange rate的问题而来的成本痛点做上什么。你只是「跟老板开了个会」,「跟供货商聊了聊物料价」,然后,奇迹就出现了,8个点马上就能下来。记住:所有cost down都必须有理由,不然你后面就有你受的了。申延读物是本叔写的「VE价值工程」一文。
We regard you as
value as much, and please find the revised formal quoation as attached.
P.S Because
the supplier give us a time limited, so if you agree with new price, we
are going to sign the material purchasing right now, and I will sent the PI for
you soon.
(这种「今天做特价啊亲不买明天就没有啊亲」真的不是B2B该有的思维。。。千万不要再这样!!)
Thanks and have
good day!
Best regards,
J
以下是客户之前的来件。单看内文,我认为连讲价也算不上,只是简单问问你还有什么可以做的吗?,然后就轻轻松松8个点折扣了。说!你还有多少是骗我的?说!!
Hi J
I'm sure we can do
something. N(客户的同事), I'm sure will be in touch with you soon
like you we are all finding it hard this year so anything you can dicoumt (人家不做spell check啊,谁让他是客?你可不行!)would be great.
Kind regards
好了,以下是最精彩的环节了。其实,单以老外这封邮件,你实在不必急于降价的。我在讲negotiation时提过,沉默是高招。你看?这不就是最好案例了?人家再不发话,你是不是要再减个10%?不过由于剧情需要,Ben叔叔是这样改的:
Hi,
I am glad we are
back to track eventually. We’ve been
waiting your feedback for long. As a matter of fact, we put quite some
effort to keep our offer valid up to the challenge of the recent currency
fluctuation. I will explain. (THANKS GOD感谢主你终于回来了。这句是有很轻微怪责的意味的,小心。但我们还是该怪责他一下的,不对吗?都为你准备好那么多了,你看,你不在时我们仍然想尽办法帮你保持原价,你却走远了。。。你的良心呢?:)记住,像一个人一样去聊天,像一个君子一样去怪责,没有问题的。如果他有其他更好的选择,你跪着说话他也是会走的,懂吗?)
I am not sure we
could offer you any further discount as you’ve got
already our best offer. (I am not sure是非常非常好用的负面词。这是所有老美一听就懂的NO两个字的客气版) Be assured the offer you’ve got is not something we will let go normally. (Be assured就是说,信我吧!没骗你的!同一意思。)Yet, we understand
the impact of the currency exchange rate could be a short term risk to you. (强调short term, 就是你不能用一个短期的风险来谈价格的,大家都不傻。但我也知道兄弟你也有难处的,我们来想想办法。) What we would like to suggest is that we engage into a price change
mechanism. (这是个我常用的谈判手段。这里不详说了,有机会在《假装在500强》写一下)Put it simple, the rule is that when the exchange rate does not in
favor to you, you’ll be compensated; when the rate come
back to normal level, we back to our original offer. The attached
document further explain it in details.
I wish that idea
could strengthen your fate in our business. (加强你对这生意的信念。你不是求他,你是在帮他成事。毕竟跟你落单了对他也是件好事,对不对?)Unfortunately we have to put a period of validity of this offer (as
this is obviously our way to trigger the business launch). (学问在这里!!我上面说,「今天做特价啊亲不买明天就没有啊亲」不要得,但我这里就用了。Ben叔你自打嘴巴啊。。。其实我特别加上这句就是想说,要是你真的想用这方法去迫他早点下单,那么请你直接说。我们就是为了让你早点下单的怎样?有时,光明正大做个小人也是一种手段啊。。)
I am available to
spoke with you online any time. Just give me a ring.
Regards,
Ben
看完后今次学到了什么? :)留言给我知道吧。