20年外贸老人修改的开发信--1

案例1：一个新手给我的开发信原件：


DearSirs,


Haveagoodday!


ThisisSamfromABCfactoryproducingGloves.Iamgaldtoknowthatyouarealeadingwholesalerofgloves.Hopetoestablishagoodbusinessrelationshipwithyou.


点评：这个开头有点平淡。没能让客户立即感受到同你做生意有什么好处，或者建立客户同这封邮件的关联。


OurfactoryisoneofthebiggestglovefactoriesinChinawithalready10years'history.Wecanprovideyougoodqualitygloveswithgoodpriceandservice.WehavealotofadvantagesforallkindsofGlovestyles,Ladies,Men's,Kids.Attachedaresomepicturesofourproductsandworkshopsforyourreference.Pleasecheckandletmeknowwhatkindofglovesyouareinterested,oryoucanshowyourstylesforouroffering.


点评：这个公司介绍部分是典型的以productfeature来介绍的。也不能让客户产生关联感，以及给我什么好处。另外缺少支撑。人人都会说我是最大的最好的。也比较平。


Wewouldliketotakethisopportunitytoestablishbusinessrelationshipwithyou.


Ifyouwanttoknowmoreaboutus,youcanaddmeonyourSkypeorE-mailorvisitourwebsiteasbelowmyE-Businesscard.Maybeitisastartofourbusiness.


Ifyouareinterestedinourgoods,plsletmeknow.IfyouwillattendthecomingCantonFairat


April,2014,plsdon'thesitatetocontactmeatanytime.wewillwaitingforyouthereandshowourmoregoodsamplesforyourreviewing.


点评：有点不够简要，也未能给出充足的理由和动力让客户同你联系。


Anyquestions,Plsletmeknowatanytime.Lookingforwardtoyourearlierreply!


Bestregards,


Sam


修改后：


DearJohn,


一定要找到合适的联系人，Dearsirs和DearJohn的回复率有几倍的差异。你对着一群人喊一声“请去把门关一下。”看看有人回应你吗？如果你说“张三，请去把门关一下。”效果是完全不同的。Dearsirs,没有人觉得自己同这封邮件有何关联。DearJohn,就是写给自己的。关联自然产生。


Goodmorning!


Ijustvisitedyourwebsite,andknowthatyouaretheleadingwholesalerinPolandforfashionablegloves,withprestigiousreputationforthequality.