如何写好开发信2

下面是一个自称刚入职的外贸人的开发信邮件一个例子，
HI Mr Harold.Sacks：
I hope your business
goes well. We are Hubei Yuanxiang Medical Technology Co., Ltd. which is engaged
in medical device field for 15 years. We have become the most professional
medical disposable and services supplier in china markets. Our goal is to
provide you with best quality disposable product and most competitive prices. To
be with us, you will obtain Unlimited Profit. our mainly product as
following：
1. Ostomy Bags, Blood Bags, Bandage series, Medical Exam &
Surgical, PVC Gloves, Safety Syringe,I.V. Catheter etc
2. Non-woven
Coverall series, Face Mask, Hospital bed pad, Cotton Gauze, Adult Diapers
etc
3. Oxygen Masks, Nasal Oxygen cannula, Suction Catheter, Feeding Tube
etc.
All above items with FDA & CE, ISO13485 certificates
approved.
For more information, pls visit:
Wanting to own best
prices of our disposable products, Pls be informed your specific specifications
and quantity request. We will provide all details related products together with
our best price only for you.
Yours sincerely
那如果是我的话，此开发信我应该就这么写：
Hi, Dear Mr Harold.Sacks,
We produce
Medical Appliances with high quality & very competitive price for 15 years
in China; Hope to find a way to cooperate with you.
E-catalogues will be
sent if needed.
Write me back or call me pls, let’s talk more in
details.
Thank you.
Best Regards
Yours
sincerely
Zarah
Sales
Manager
比较一下，什么感觉？外贸函电的精髓就是，“简单，简单，再简单”。你要做的，就是简单明了的告诉看邮件的人，你是谁？你是做什么的,优势产品是什么？你想要做什么？写明白了这些东西就好了！其他的东西，等以后有机会再详细谈。第一封邮件那么长，别人看的那么累，又不认识你，人家不是浪费力气吗？更何况我们自己觉得自己英语水平好，语法好，写的不错，事实上，在老外眼里，可能觉得变样了。特别是很多老外母语也并不是英语，我们把中文意思转化为英文，他们再把英文转化为他们母语，这时间信息经过几次转化和传递，最后可能已经不知所云了。或许你的意思在他们理解来，已经南辕北辙了都有可能。而事实上，从某种程度上来说，老外还是比较懒的。而在一般贸易中，他们大多数人，还是喜欢简单化的语言，而不是很书面化的文字，所以商贸英语课本是课本，实际应用是实际应用的问题，大家一定要注意这个问题哦。