发封信大家给评价一下,谢啦!!!

pear
此封信用于发在linkin上加好友以后的开发信,请给点意见???
Dear friend,
Nice to make friend with you.
Thanks for your time to read my email
We are a manufacture of BOLT SEAL,CABLE SEAL, PLASTIC SEAL,PADLOCK SEAL,etc since 1996.
Would you mind to visit our website:
Wish our products will be helpful for your business .
Any questions,Welcome here.
Best Regards,
Pear
2015-01-23 609阅读
问题/讨论
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我要向AI提问
AI回答:
Hi Pear,

Overall, your letter is pleasant and professional. Here are a few suggestions for improvement:

1. The first line, "Nice to make friend with you" could be rephrased to "It is nice to connect with you" for more formal tone.

2. Instead of "Thanks for your time to read my email", you could start with a value proposition such as "We offer high-quality bolt seals, cable seals, and other security seals to businesses like yours."

3. It would be helpful to add a personal touch by mentioning the recipient's company or industry and highlighting how your products can benefit them.

4. The sentence "Would you mind to visit our website" could be reworded to a more direct call-to-action, such as "Please take a moment to visit our website to see our full range of products."

Overall, you're off to a good start. Keep up the good work!
2023-06-08
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  • Nicole.LV
    首先,为什么英文名字要取pear, 有一些文章是关于中国人取英文名字的。。。职场中的名字,觉得取正式点比较好。。
    2015-01-26
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